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The Great Tigger Detective part 5 - "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind"
Inside the barrel, Ratigan was approaching his throne, being cheered by his men. He sits down and holds out his cigarette. Several hands offer lit matches, and he lights it and inhales, blowing out several smoke rings. Ratigan: My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes...a crime that will live in infamy! Most of his men are cheering at that bit of news, save one mouse, Bartholomew, whose attention is focused on his empty mug. He holds it upside down and watches sadly as the last drop of beer falls to the floor. Ratigan holds up a newspaper featuring the Queen's picture on the front page. Ratigan: Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch celebrates her Diamond Jubilee. And...with the enthusiastic help of our good friend, Mr. Flaversham... The mice chuckle. Ratigan: ...it promises to be a night she will never forget! He burns her picture with his cigarette. The thugs became frighten with a gasp. Ratigan: Her last night...and my first, as supreme ruler of all mousedom! Ratigan messes up his hair and collar. As his men cheer for him, he calmly pins his collar back and smoothes his hair, then saunters down the red carpet as a spotlight shines on him and an evil tune plays. One of his men hands him his top hat, which he rolls down his arms before putting it on. He gives an evil laugh and begins to sing. Ratigan: (Singing) From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper The head that made headlines in every newspaper And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job That cunning display that made Londoners sob... Meanwhile, Ratigan twirls his cane around a rope. Now comes the real tour de force.Ratigan: Tricky and wicked, of course And yanks on it, causing wine to pour out onto a fountain. Ratigan: Tricky and wicked, of course Bartholomew's tail is wagging at the chance for more liquor, and he tosses his empty glass over his shoulder, and rushes over to the fountain, drinking from one of the spouts. Ratigan: My earlier crimes were fine for their times But now that I'm at it again.. Ratigan kicks Bartholomew into the fountain. Ratigan: An even grimmer plot has been simmering In my great criminal brain Thugs: (Singing) Even meaner? You mean it? Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned? Bartholomew drunkenly climbs out as the rest of the thugs lift Ratigan up into their arms, spinning him around. Thugs: You're the best of the worst around Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan The rest fall behind To Ratigan To Ratigan The world's greatest criminal mind. His men pull back as Ratigan was seated at a harp. The lighting becomes blue as he plays. Ratigan: Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been champagne and caviar. I've had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate detective, Basil of Baker Street. He directs his gaze to a small mouse toy dressed in a detective suit, needles poking at it. The Thugs boo heavily. Ratigan: (Mock crying) For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans. I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. Thugs: Aww! Bartholomew sniffles and begins to cry! The lighting turns red as the illusion is shattered. Ratigan: But, all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Basil, can stand in my way! All will bow before me! His thugs bow as the lighting becomes normal again. Thugs: Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan You're tops and that's that To Ratigan To Ratigan... Bartholomew drunkenly finishes the verse... Bartholomew: To Ratigan, the world's greatest rat! (hiccups) Ratigan spits out his wine in shock. His thugs gasp in terror as Ratigan spins, towering over Bartholomew. Ratigan: What...was...that?! Innocently, Bartholomew hiccups again. Ratigan: What did you call me? Thug 1: Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Professor. Bill the Lizard: I-it was just a slip of the tongue. Ratigan ignores the thugs and lifts up Bartholomew by his sweater. Ratigan: (to Bartholomew was break free) I am NOT A RAT! Thug 2: 'Course you're not. You're a mouse! Thug 1: Yeah, that's right. Right! A mouse. Bill the Lizard: Yeah, a ''big mouse! '' Ratigan: SILENCE! Ratigan throws Bartholomew to go outside. He rolls and shakes his head as he sits up. Ratigan: Oh, my dear Bartholomew... I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. Ratigan pulls out the bell from his vest pocket.↲ Ratigan: (Dramatically) You know what happens when someone upsets me... Ratigan rings the bell, and his men gasp in terror as they look to the alleyway, where a shadow was approaching. An enormously fat cat – Felicia - was approaching the oblivious Bartholomew. Bartholomew: (Singing, drunkenly) Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan You're the tops and that's that. (hic) Oh dear. To Ratigan To Ratigan The cat has picked up Bartholomew and all we see was the shadow of the mouse hovering over the cat's open jaws.↲''Bartholomew'': To Ratigan...the world's greatest- The Thugs are cowering in the doorway as Ratigan himself was enjoying a cigarette. A gulping noise was heard along with the cat's content meow. Two of the Thugs remove their hats and the third sniffles as he wipes a tear from his eye. Ratigan was cooing over his cat, wiping her mouth with his handkerchief. Ratigan: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby. He hugs Felicia. Ratigan: (Fatherly) Did Daddy's little honey bun enjoy her tasty treat? Felicia burps in his face. Ratigan looks a little dismayed, but he recovers and struts back towards his terrified men. Ratigan: I trust there will be no further interruptions. He clears his throat and wraps his arms around his men. Ratigan: And now, as you were singing? Singing is clearly the last thing they have on their minds as they huddle close together. But as Ratigan ''pulls out the bell again, they get their inspiration back. ''Thugs: Even louder We'll shout it! Several of his thugs are now rushing towards him, handing him a robe, a crown, and a diamond topped scepter. Thugs: No one can doubt what we know you can do. Thugs: You're more evil than even you Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan You're one of a kind To Ratigan To Ratigan The Thugs begin using Ratigan's many jewels to form a pyramid. The mouse on the bottom can't keep his balance on the pearl, and they all tumble. Above, others have been swinging from chandeliers, and one mouse begins to fall. Ratigan holds out his robe to catch him, but at the last moment, pulls back, letting the mouse hit the floor. The Thugs dramatically sing the final line of the song. Thugs: The world's greatest criminal... Ratigan holds out his robe to catch him, but at the last moment, pulls back, letting the mouse hit the floor. The Thugs dramatically sing the final line of the song.↲Thugs:...mind!! As the song ends, they offer one last toast, while Ratigan finishes the rest of his wine. Category:The Great Mouse Detective fanfictions